I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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