You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
