Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
