I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
