Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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