he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
