It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
