Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
