I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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