If i come over, it means nothing
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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