drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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