I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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