Your mouth is God's brothel.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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