so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
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