Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
My pussy is not your playground.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.