Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
