Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.