So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake