Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...