There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.