ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt