it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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