I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
