just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
