i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
