yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
