Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
