i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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