what day is it and did you see me today?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
