you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize