oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
