you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
