sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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