I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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