If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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