New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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