maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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