Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
