Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
