You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
