No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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