Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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