I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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