i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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