How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
