I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
