I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
