I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
