Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
