am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
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some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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