I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
