yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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