you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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