I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
