I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
