i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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