Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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