i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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