Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
