Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Couch. On fire.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
