So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
