I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
