Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
