i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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