you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
false alarm. still invincible.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
