Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he fucked my hip out of place.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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