Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
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Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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