I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
