another moral hangover. fuck.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We got so high we made milksteak
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Someone shattered a urinal.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
