...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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