im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
