how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
